“Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty-five thousand moments so dear
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure, measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets
In midnights, in cups of coffee
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife
In five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minute
How do you measure, a year in the life?
How about love?
Measure in love….”
Well here we are, it is my birthday. November 28. Welcome to the world, baby girl…It’s been a year since the last time…but here I am again. Throughout this blog post…there are just some ways that I measure my life…some sunsets, some moments, some cups of coffee if you will, but certainly, love.
It has been a long, long year. And I haven’t blogged much. I have drifted between the want to blog about what it means to be teaching in the middle of a global pandemic…or the sheer terror that I felt about the presidential election. I have wavered between trying to make sense out of what it means when people you know and love are battling COVID, and in spite of all of that…I have been unable to bring myself to the keyboard. I know that my exhaustion is high, that I would quickly devolve to a place where my sadness…would be the palpable feeling.
However, on the eve of my 46th birthday, the prevalent emotions are gratitude, love, thanks…those are all so very real.
Like all of us, this year…it has been hard. I am reminding myself to remember, to everything there is a season. And my 45th season, was just…difficult. But, along with the difficult comes opportunity. And I have had opportunity this year.
Opportunity to remember that I am strong. In the midst of some very difficult times, I have been strong. I have run farther, run faster, and in some cases, run in spite of the hard, because I am strong. I have been strong in my love and friendships. I have been a shoulder to friends, and been strong enough to ask for help.
Opportunity to be grateful. I have been given occasions to be truly, genuinely thankful and grateful for the people in my life. I have had friends who quietly remind me that I am not alone, and that they see me. I have sat in the quiet of “stay at home” and enjoyed a beer in silence with my friend, I have laid my head on the shoulder of a friend, and just rested in the space. I have hugged, and been held. I have shed tears of frustration and fear, but always known that my friends…well, they accept me, no matter.
Opportunity to love. Sometimes that love has looked like shared laughter, sometimes it’s about clean laundry, sometimes it is felt most deeply thru the touch of someone’s hand…but sometimes it looks like a message from a student, that finishes with, Love you, Collins. And always, it is my friends…who remind me thru their acceptance of me, in all my flaws and freckles, how much I am loved.
So, here I sit in the waning hours of 45, with much to be grateful for, much to love…the upcoming “Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes”…full of possibility and opportunity, and certainly full of love.
Tomorrow morning, when the sun meets the sky, and says good morning, I will stop and pause on my run to say good morning to my Momma, whose life breathed breath into me. I will be grateful for the strength that she gave me, both by her life, and by my loss of her life. I will smile, from behind my mask…(or “smize”, as a I learned it is called) at the strangers whose path will intersect mine, hoping that they will know that their journey might be solo, but that they aren’t alone. I will be kind, and patient. I will be excited and thankful. I will celebrate.
And, I will begin to spend the five hundred, twenty five thousand, and six hundred minutes of 46. I don’t know what the end results will all look like, and that is okay…because sometimes, there is opportunity in the unknown.
I am so thankful, and grateful to be here at 46. As I look back at the year of 45, what I see mostly is love. I see love in the relationships that I have. I see love for life and others. I see love.
I am so thankful and grateful that love continues for me, that mother’s love became the love of friends and that in my friends, I have found home.
Happy Birthday, cheers to 46.
GratitudeThroughChange 